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Can a change of place change who we are?
Plus: Groundhog's Day movie recommendations and a letter about a maybe ex-boyfriend.
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I don’t think a place has ever changed me. Not much, at least.
But I’ve only ever lived in East Coast towns and cities.
I do wonder if there’s a California version of me who would be different. Maybe if I moved to a small, waterside town on the West Coast, I’d be calmer. Sunnier in personality.
Today’s episode of the Love Letters podcast is a meditation on whether geography can change us.
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Our guest, Kelly, is Australian. She says that in her hometown – and country – she always felt … limited. She believed her personality was too big for her community – and she says this is because many Australians are programmed to look down on people who want more from life.
She talks about “tall poppy syndrome,” and says that in Australia, if you grow too big and beautiful, everyone else wants to chop you down.
(I do wonder how Margot Robbie deals with this. She is, perhaps, the world’s tallest Australian poppy at the moment.)
The big move
For Kelly, this perceived limitation was enough to make her move. After decades of feeling like she was in the wrong place, she picked up and went to Italy.
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It was a HUGE life change.
As you know, if you’re a woman who moves to Italy to reinvent yourself, you immediately become Diane Lane in “Under the Tuscan Sun” (2003). You get a perfect A-line dress, maybe a cool sunhat, meet a bunch of quirky locals, and find love.
That’s not exactly how it happened for Kelly, of course.
But she said the move to Italy did change her. It even changed her relationship with her ex-husband.
Are we truly different in certain places, or is that just what we tell ourselves?
This will be a recurring question as we spend this season talking about how people can change.
Sometimes location is everything.
Also, please tell me whether there’s a place where you feel like you’re a better version of yourself.
I won’t be shocked if 90 percent of you say Italy. It does seem to be the place.
Alison is fine
After last week’s newsletter, Boston.com ran a survey asking people whether Elvis Costello’s “Alison” was an appropriate wedding song (if you look back, you’ll see it was performed at a recent Boston wedding).
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The results: Of 164 responses, about 54 percent said the song worked for this one particular wedding, 16 percent said the song is just fine for a wedding, and 29 percent said no, this song should not be part of any wedding.
The people have spoken.
Try it again
A reminder that Sunday is Groundhog Day, and that my favorite kind of supernatural movie is a romantic story that involves repeating the same day, over and over, with someone you care about.
My love for these films might have something to do with the idea of second chances – and people finding the drive to be better when it counts.
I recommend planning a Feb. 2 movie day with a screening of the following:
- “Groundhog Day” – obviously.
- “Palm Springs” – a film that raises the stakes of “Groundhog Day” by trapping its characters at a wedding.
- “About Time,” which … a warning … may wreck you (especially if you’ve lost a parent). Worth mentioning: This isn’t a true one-day story, but it has a few repeated dates. I say it counts.
- “Edge of Tomorrow” – which is my favorite. I ask: is this movie about saving the world from aliens – or is it about Tom Cruise learning how to respect and talk to a powerful woman, over and over, until he earns her trust and attention? Emily Blunt is my favorite repeated-day-universe heroine. Highly recommend.
- “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” – Sometimes I believe the fan theory that Ferris Bueller was actually stuck in a repeated day, and that the only reason he’s capable of doing all of the amazing things is because he’s having a “Groundhog Day”-experience. What’s fascinating to me about this take is that … because Ferris organizes a perfect day, his best friend finally gets to process his own family trauma. Honesty, rewatch the movie with this idea in mind and it has LAYERS. To me, this could be a repeated day story about two best friends figuring it out.
This is the podcast episode I did with Ty about day-loop movies – and time travel love stories. This is Ty’s wonderful coverage of movies, etc. – which is great for people who want to know what to watch.
Some things to read
- Many times, we feel alone. But data reporting tells us we aren’t. This is a Globe Magazine story by Yoohyun Jung about what numbers can teach us about our experience. It’s quite a read – and it addresses identity, mental health, our health care system … all of the things. At the end, it made me smile.
- In “We were on a break!” news, this letter writer’s maybe ex-boyfriend really ticked me off. The more I thought about the letter after answering it, the more I was second-hand angry about the idea of someone saying, “Change in the following ways or I won’t marry you.” Maybe I’m making it sound worse than it is, but a four-month break kind of means you’re not working on things together.
Parting shot
I’ll leave you with a photo I took in California … where yes, maybe I’m different. Just a little.
– Meredith
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