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‘It was the very last resort’: Our favorite Love Letters comments
Here are some of the comments that stuck with us over the past month.
Sometimes letters are above my pay grade.
Sometimes they are worlds away from my pay grade – and I need to go to a licensed mental health expert for more assistance.
That was the case with a letter last month; it was from someone whose wife is having mental health problems that are affecting the whole family.
I was grateful to get the expertise of a McLean Hospital staffer, who spoke about what to do if you’re concerned a partner might be a danger to themselves or others.
Many comments were also wonderfully empathetic and helpful. People weighed in about possibly medical issues that could be affecting the letter writer’s spouse, other places to go for help, etc.
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I hope that letter writer got something out of it. I appreciate that person for writing in.
Worth mentioning: the most popular letter of the month with readers – based on page views – was a less intense letter about a person whose partner doesn’t like babies and toddlers.
You can send your own question here. It might help someone wondering the same thing.
Below are some of the most notable comments of the month. (We’ll be taking a quick column break early this week with some podcast news tomorrow.)
5. ‘I’m concerned about my wife’s mental health’
Featured Comment
“Does your wife have a GP? Has she had an MRI, blood work etc.? Don’t rule out that there could be something physical or neurological going on, including early onset Alzheimer’s. I don’t think counseling is the answer here.
My mom had similar symptoms but she was already 68 when she showed signs of dementia. Do you leave your wife alone with the kids? How is she with them? We had to involuntarily commit our mom when she had an obvious break. Believe me, it was the very last resort and nothing we had wanted to do. Hopefully you are some distance away from that.”
4. ‘I have a question about my daughter’s boyfriend’
Featured Comment
“You mention that if you brought this subject up to her she’d be angry. Well, tough cookies… you’re her mother, and you care about her life. There is nothing wrong with having a mature conversation without judgement in order to understand where she’s at. Once. Then let it be and allow her to be an adult who is responsible for her own decisions and their consequences.”
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3. ‘Doubts before the wedding’
Featured Comment
“How do you know if it’s normal pre-wedding nerves or more?
After ten years together, you should both be more confident of your future prospects together. If you’ve not let go of his infidelity after all this time and also decided against doing anything to resolve the issues this has created from the get go, what else have you both ignored? Don’t get married.”
2. ‘There’s a good reason she didn’t respond’
Featured Comment
“Ok, so someone you know.
Two things. First, do you actually know for a fact its someone you know? Cuz there are other reasons she sent faceless pictures and that is that you are being catfished. I guess either way, I highly suggest you pretend this never happened. There is no way to make this not awkward. If she says something to you, clear the air, but really, its possible you are wrong about who this is.
But really, stop exchanging faceless pictures with people you don’t know. If you want to date, you’re going to have to go out and you know, meet them in person. If someone strikes your fancy on a dating website or whatever these forums are, after a few exchanges you need to meet in person.”
1. ‘My partner doesn’t like babies and toddlers’
Featured Comment
“At least he’s willing to have the conversation and consider parenthood. Since bio children may not be in your future, perhaps you could consider adoption or fostering. Both options involve a lot of applications, psychological testing, etc., and the process could be illuminating for both of you. My cousin fostered for years and it was so rewarding for her and her husband, and they’re still in touch with the kids who’ve aged out of the system. You have alternatives, and a partner who’s willing to consider the idea of parenthood – good for you. Good luck to you both on your journey.”
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