What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
‘Let him keep on keepin’ on’: Our favorite Love Letters comments
Commenters offer some great advice. We all notice.
I do not play favorites. I never choose a favorite commenter and say, “This anonymous person always know best.”
But … JiveDiva, a longtime fav, is a very good must-read. HikerGal128NH is a calming presence when problems are messy. I am becoming a big fan of backseatdriver85, whom I suspected was a friend (I’m close with someone born in 1985 who probably hates my driving), but now I know is probably a stranger.
Thanks to all who give thoughtful advice meant to help the letter writers. I don’t mind tough love, as long as it’s constructive. And a message to new commenters: I am looking at you. Ready to see you in that Featured Comment box.
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Also, I’m always ready for more letters. Get great advice by submitting here.
5. ‘Why didn’t she want a second date?’
Featured Comment
“This is very common. Don’t try to figure it out. I had a coffee date once where the woman agreed to a second date for the next weekend. She asked if we could exchange phone numbers before we parted. Then less than an hour later she texted and said she just wanted to be friends. I offered to meet up again just as friends and never heard from her again. It’s frustrating but it’s normal and part of the process. Time to move on to your next date!”
Share Thoughts4. ‘I’m having an emotional affair with my ex’
Featured Comment
“You will not ‘have everything figured out’ in the 30s—nor in any decade. You’re a perfectionist and are too afraid of making mistakes. Well, everyone makes mistakes. People have to make choices to proceed in life. Just pick the best option with the knowledge you have, and take how it comes out. If it doesn’t work out, try something else. If you need more knowledge in order to make a decision, don’t use a long process of ‘researching’ as avoidance (speaking to myself also on that one).
You may want ‘everything figured out’ as a way to have more control in your life. Also sounds like you have a high need for ’emotional support’ and cannot be alone. Most people will get tired of you expecting them to hold your hand all the time, be your crying towel, and tell you what to do…unless you find someone who likes to have that kind of control and codependence.
I’d rather see you break up with the current guy, back off from being so needy with your ex (and revisit how well ‘friends’ with him is working), and stand on your own two feet for awhile. You might find a counselor helpful, including for anxiety issues.”
3. ‘Women don’t want to date short men’
Featured Comment
“Lotta good advice today, re: the problem is self-confidence, not height. But I just want to add that ‘meeting women at bars’ is not the scene for you. Don’t torture yourself. In a bar, women (and men) are more likely to make a quick judgment based on physical appearance because that’s all that they can see. Online, women who care about height can pass right by your profile, and you never have to know. Women who are more open-minded will read on and see the other great things that you bring to the table. Of course, you do need to bring SOMETHING to the table.”
Share Thoughts2. ‘My daughter is having an affair’
Featured Comment
“Dear LW,
Such an emotionally charged situation, I feel for you. It sounds like you really miss your grandchildren and feel very sad. Making a change is going to require a lot of effort but wanting your grandchildren back in your life is a powerful motivator. A therapist can help you gain insight/tools for navigating a situation like this. I think you’ll be surprised at the clarity you can gain with just a few sessions.
Once you understand how you want to approach it (either with help or on your own), then obviously you’re going to need to share your feelings with your daughter. You don’t mention how old your grandchildren are but I assume they’re school age. That means you can’t go around your daughter to reestablish contact with them. I would frame it to her as wanting a relationship strictly with them. The tricky part to navigate (and why I recommend a therapist to help) is that she’s going to have to trust you to maintain clearly stated boundaries with her children. You’re going to need to convince her that you can treat your relationship with them as completely separate from your relationship with her. You’ll need to adhere to your boundaries 100% of the time-no discussions about their mother. All of this will all be very tough to do, but certainly not impossible. It could take take time for your daughter to agree to it, if she does at all, but IMO it’s truly worth it to fight for them. You should try for your sake as well as theirs.”
1. ‘I want my boyfriend to go back to the doctor’
Featured Comment
“Juicy headline! Dear LW this is not your problem to fix. He’s managed on his own for years without you so let him keep on keepin’ on. You must understand on some level that projecting your anxiety onto him is not helping him – it’s burdening him. Gone are the days when the neighborhood GP could stop in, black bad in hand, to reassure someone that they’re a-ok. The health system is overloaded and your BF understands that. He sounds like he’s doing a great job of monitoring his own health and as far as ‘seeing him silently restless’ – well, that’s on you isn’t it? Fret silently if you must but you must stop medi-nagging him. Good luck dear LW in resetting your approach to this.”
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