Tell Us

Readers: Can people change? Share with us.

Plus, weigh in on an engagement tradition.

By Meredith Goldstein

2 minutes to read

We’re going to take some time off for the holiday, but I have two requests today.

The first is that I’d like to get your thoughts on change.

For the podcast next season, we’ll be trying to answer one big question: Can people change? 

We’ll try to figure this out in the context of relationships.

So many of our letters involve a hope that someone will change, a clear need for the letter writer to change, or questions about patterns of behavior – and whether they’ll be patterns forever. 

Do cheaters always cheat? Do forever-single people have the ability to make room for a partner? Can old dogs learn new tricks? Can people learn to communicate differently? 

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How have you (or a loved one) rewired your brain to be different?

I’d love to know (in comments) how much change you believe is possible, and about the ways you’ve seen change happen – for better and worse.

Also, if you have a story about change – one you might be open to sharing – please send it by using this form. We allow people to be anonymous on the podcast, if necessary.

And now a question from a reader that’s less about advice and more about tradition. Here it goes:

“I have a question: do you know, or can you do a random sampling for me, and perhaps others would be interested … how many men these days still ask their girlfriends’ parents for their blessing before proposing?”

My answer is that when I was younger, a few friends did this to honor family traditions. But the practice wasn’t common in my community. 

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Also, because people started to couple up when they were a bit older, it felt a little weird to say, “Hey, sir, do I have your blessing to marry your 36-year-old kid, who has lived on her own for 15 years?” 

I know that this blessing/permission thing still happens. But if it doesn’t happen to you, letter writer, I wouldn’t be offended. So many wedding traditions come from times when women weren’t making their own decisions. 

If you asked me to put this to the Love Letters group because you’re upset you weren’t consulted for a blessing, Google the origin of the of the whole thing. You might change your mind about skipping it!

Readers: Did you do this? How seriously did you take the tradition? Help the letter writer, whom I suspect didn’t get the request they wanted.

Also, what’s been on your mind about your own relationship life? Ask your own question. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].

Featured Comment

My husband asked my dad and I was 35. I still think it can be nice to involve family just out of respect. I am very close with my parents and it was nice to know they were happy for me and gave their blessing! But if you aren’t that close I could see why it wouldn’t happen.

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