I hate to say this, but I’m not sure you should be waiting at all. You’ve made a massive decision, and its one that requires enthusiasm and commitment from your partner. She’d have to do a pretty big 180 to be on board for this. Perhaps this is a moment to decide whether the two of you want to be in the same kind of relationship. 

For the record, sure, she might be great at parenting. But many of us would be great at a lot of things. That doesn’t mean we need to do them.

I do like the idea of the two of you seeking professional help for your relationship, because even if your partnership is bound to end, it might be nice to have a therapist guide you as you separate after a formative decade.

And yeah, maybe in therapy she’ll wind up saying, “Wait a minute, maybe kids would be great.” But I wouldn’t count on it. The therapy would help clarify the lives you want, and again, it just doesn’t sound like you’re hoping for the same future.

Also know that if you wind up uncoupled, you’ll want to take your time getting to know new people before you jump to having children with them. I won’t pretend you have all the time in the world, and it’s OK if you want to have kids before you’re close to 40, but … you can’t rush a good connection. Please give yourself some beats to notice things about yourself and others.

I’m sorry you’re in an uncomfortable place with someone you love. I hope you get all the things you want, and that your partner does, too.

– Meredith

Readers? Worth waiting? Are the depressed feelings going to get in the way of good decisions? Thoughts on what happens next?

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