Hi Meredith,

I’ve been friends with this guy for years. I recently realized I have a small crush on him and I don’t know how to feel about it. I haven’t been in any sort of relationship in over three years, and have never really had much experience with dating in the first place.

A few months ago, we were at a friend’s birthday and I thought he was flirting with me. We went to the bars, had some drinks, and it was fun. I had to leave early, but he stayed with some others and had more drinks. When I got home, we were texting as usual and he told me this woman at the bar had become very chatty with him. I asked him if she was his type and he said no, so I asked what his type actually is. All he replied was “you.” I was in shock, but before I could send anything else other than a surprise-face sticker (we use WhatsApp), he made a joke, and I didn’t know how to go back to address that comment. I thought something would happen after that, but he never said anything, and a few days later I had to hear all about how he rejoined dating apps. Since then I’ve had to hear about all the girls he’s been seeing, going out with, etc.

When he told me about the dating apps, I was crushed and felt embarrassed that I had gotten my hopes up in the first place. Since then, there have been little moments here and there, where it feels like we’re flirting, or he’ll call me cute, but it never leads to anything past that. This Valentine’s Day was a little upsetting because he’s been talking to a new girl for a bit and was telling me about how he’s going to get her some flowers, chocolate, and a little note. I feel awful that deep inside I feel jealous. I should want my friend to be happy, but I couldn’t muster up the strength to really talk to him about his plans. I kept my responses short and soon just told him I was going to bed.

I’ve never really been in a situation like this before, so I don’t really know what to do or say going forward. I know I should be a true friend and help him or give advice, but the more I think about doing that, it just feels like salt in a wound. I know deep in my heart that if it isn’t a solid yes from a man, it’s always a no, and that I shouldn’t be picking up crumbs from our conversations. I hate feeling bitter and jealous and don’t know what to do going forward.

– Jealous