What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
Send your own relationship/dating/breakup/holiday questions to [email protected] or use this form. And former letter writers (hey, you, from all 12 years of this column!), give us an update. Where are you now? Did we help? Email your update to [email protected] with “update” in the subject line. Tell me which letter was yours and how it all worked out.
Hey Meredith,
I am currently in a relationship with someone and we’ve been together for almost two months now. We are very happy but she is moving waaay too fast. Even though we both like each other and are happy in this relationship, she wants us to move in together and is already talking about getting married. I like the thought of weddings as much as the next guy, but not when it’s my own, and not after knowing the person for two months.
She says if I really love her then I should be willing to commit to marriage already, even if it’s far away. But I don’t know what I’m having for dinner tomorrow, never mind if I want to marry this girl in the future.
Also, she has a bad habit of not washing her feet and then making me smell them. I can’t commit to that.
Please help.
– Too Fast
Wow. What a detail to throw in at the end of a letter.
Feet aside, this doesn’t sound like the right relationship for you. She’s in the “when you know, you know” camp, and you’re not even thinking about wanting to know. You’re happy right now because you can remind her “it’s only been two months,” which sounds very logical, but what happens after six? Eight? She’s on a specific path, and you’re not eager to join her.
Be very honest and tell her you can’t commit to the things she wants, at least not her on her timeline. You do not know anything monumental about this relationship, even if her gut is telling her this could be forever.
If she wants to be moving toward something specific, she should be out there looking, finding someone who wants the same thing. She should be walking away. With those feet.
I really don’t want to think about the feet right now. That could be its own letter, if you saw future with this woman. But you don’t.
Let her know, be sad about the loss, and then think about what’s for dinner.
– Meredith
Readers? Is it going to far to tell them to break up? Can two people on different paths find a compromise? What if they are really happy when they’re not talking about the future?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
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