Hello Meredith,

I have been with my boyfriend for six years now. I can only speak for myself, but I am still very much attracted to my partner’s intelligence, humor, cuteness, and physical attributes. He certainly has not given me any reason to believe he feels otherwise. Although our sex life has waned over the years, seemingly without complaint from either of us, we still cuddle every night and share our knowing glances when we think the same thought. By this I mean that we still have a warm and close connection.

The issue I am concerned about is that neither of us is a big talker. We rarely go out to dinner. Usually we make food at home and watch something on the TV as we eat. Because of this, we rarely have to speak at length. We recently went out to try a new restaurant and I realized that we are so used to communicating without speaking or having something to distract us while we eat that we have lost that initial eagerness to share everything in our heads with one another to keep the conversation going. Honestly, I think this is because we are both very introverted and comfortable with silence. I also think this is because we could probably guess each other’s opinions on most topics. Of course, when something excites us, we are eager to share it with each other, whether it is about books or news or music. But we can’t turn it on, on command, just because we are alone in a restaurant. People always say that communication is so important in long-term relationships. All of my friends who have partners are able to speak on and on, sometimes without an end in sight. While it seems exhausting sometimes, I do envy their ease of speech.

I suppose what I am asking is whether our lack of verbal communication is cause for concern or whether I should stop worrying about differences between our relationship and others. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

– Love and silence