Was I single long enough?
Q.
How do you determine if you were single long enough? I was in and out of relationships most of my life, and found my current partner of two years less than one year after getting out of a terrible relationship. While I am head-over-heels in my current relationship, who’s to say I wouldn’t have grown and discovered more about myself if I had stayed single longer?
Would my relationship be the same if I did? It is often in the back of my mind, but I know I am absolutely in love and wouldn’t change where I am now. There is an aspect of guilt in weighing these options, as I would have loved to explore my single self more, but I would never sacrifice the beautiful partnership I now have. It is a question of the friendships, experiences, and relationships that could have been if I had chosen differently. Given, they could have been bad experiences as well.
– My Coupled Self
A.
I happen to believe we can grow, change, and learn lessons while in a relationship.
One of the ways we do that is by doing stuff on our own – and with friends.
I’m not asking you to force yourself to be alone on a day you might be with your partner, but I am saying … maybe challenge yourself to explore a new city without companionship. Spend a weekend visiting a friend on occasion.
We had a podcast episode about our own travel writer, in which he admits he has spent very little time being single (he coupled up young, then coupled up again). He winds up missing out on single-person lessons, but learns them when he gets the Globe travel job. At that point, even though he was coupled, he had to go around the world alone, talk to strangers, navigate other languages, and spend time with his thoughts. It winds up teaching him plenty. (I highly recommend listening to the episode because he does all of that while remaining in a wonderful relationship.)
We all wonder what we might be doing if we traveled another route. If I had gone back to Maryland after college, I might have a very different life – and a strong Baltimore accent.
I didn’t do that, and now I’m here. You’re where you are. No matter what path we’ve chosen, if we try new things, we’re still learning.
– Meredith
Readers? Can you learn about yourself without being single for a long time? How to you find space for yourself within a relationship? How long does one wait between serious relationships for the best results?
What’s on your mind about dealing with exes, dating, love, loss, complicated friendships, work crushes, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].
Be civil. Be kind.
Read our full community guidelines.To comment, please create a screen name in your profile
To comment, please verify your email address