He Wants To Start A Business Together

Monday | July 20, 2020

Love Letters Relationships

He Wants To Start A Business Together

Send your own relationship questions to [email protected].

Dear Meredith,

I met my someone through a dating app. We live in two different countries. We decided to get to know each other, so we exchanged our social media accounts and WhatsApp information to better communicate. We hit it off well from the start. We call each other in the morning and have another video call or voice call in the evening before retiring for the night. We have been doing that for the past three months. Maybe due to COVID-19, which has both of us stuck where we are, we’ve had enough time to open up about ourselves and our aspirations, goals, and dreams. We’ve learned about each other emotionally, socially, and intellectually.

He is in the process of finalizing his divorce with his wife with whom he has a 12 year old son. This divorce has caused him to become cynical. At the onset, he warned me of his boundaries; he is only up for friendship or a romantic relationship, but not marriage. I am a widow with grown children.

But as time has passed, we have planned so many things – his visit to my country as soon as travel ban is lifted, a romantic rendezvous, etc. We also started talking about a business plan for a joint venture startup. Over the three months, our conflicts have usually been about him sensing that I am becoming so close to him that he thinks that I might cross the boundaries he has established in our relationship. He categorically stated that he is not yet mentally ready for a committed relationship, and that his ex has drained hims of that desire.

I am falling for him but I assured him that I can handle myself. He admitted that he likes me immensely, that he is really attracted to me, but that he wants us to separate our personal and professional issues. He wants us to continue as business partners and special friends. Anyway, travel is still far from reality and he cannot promise to visit me in my country because of the situation. I still have a vague idea of what we are. Is it right to hang on and wait for him to become emotionally available, or better shut him off while I still have the courage to pull away?

– No label

I think you should pull away. At the very least, you should hold off on a business plan.

I’m sorry to have to say that. I know he’s become an important part of your life during a time that’s been very lonely and scary for a lot of people.

He calls on you for a so much attention, but he pulls away whenever you get close. You say you only have a vague idea of what you are, but … he wants to start a business with you? My first thought was: don’t spend any money! You haven’t decided whether this man is worth an emotional investment, so please don’t make a financial one.

Your letter implies that you haven’t met him in person. Not to be cynical, but are you sure he’s getting a divorce? When you’re this far away, how is it possible to know what’s real?

Even in a world where it turns out everything he’s told you is the truth, I’d still recommend pressing pause on a relationship that’s turned into something big and dramatic before it’s even started in person. It sounds like his boundaries are massive and arbitrary. At first there was a “no marriage” rule, but it seems to go beyond that.

If he makes demands without giving you clarity, he’d be a bad business partner. A bad partner, in general. Please take a step back, clear your head, and table all big decisions until life gets a little more normal, whatever that means.

– Meredith

Readers? Bail now or see this through?

COVID and Relationships Distance Relationships

Featured Comment

This sounds like one big set up and you may be blinded to it because you were lonely and looking for love. Please go back to your dating app, set it for within 25-50 miles and get to know someone that you can have a real dating relationship that doesn’t involve a business partnership with a married man you haven’t met.

bklynmom Share Thoughts