Hi Meredith,

I am 27 years old. A little over two and a half years ago, I officially broke up with my on-again, off-again boyfriend “Jack.” Despite the fairly constant breaking up and getting back together, I loved Jack more than I thought possible. We had almost everything in common.

Although Jack said he loved me too, being in a relationship wasn’t for him. It wasn’t that he wanted to be with other women, he just didn’t like having a duty to or obligation (as he put it) to check in and constantly think about another person. While that was difficult to accept at first, I came to terms with it. After two years of being together, Jack wasn’t even comfortable at the idea of considering moving in together in the future.

Fast forward roughly two years to when I met and began dating my current boyfriend, “Dan.” We’ve been dating for about 10 months, and it’s been great. Dan is smart, caring, funny, exciting, and handsome. We have a lot in common and it’s a great relationship. I think I have found someone with whom I could build a future. A couple of months ago, I told Dan I loved him and meant it.

Last week, I went to a work reunion and ran into Jack. I honestly haven’t thought about Jack too much in the past year or so. After seeing Jack again, though, and talking with him for even a couple of hours, the feelings I had for him came back immediately – in full force. This was honestly surprising to me, because I thought I was over him and in love with Dan. My question isn’t whether I should get back together with Jack because I know that will never work. My question is whether I should remain in a relationship with Dan, whom I honestly do love and who would be an amazing partner, or if I should try and find someone I feel as strongly about as Jack. At a time when my friends are beginning to settle down, I want to know if it’s OK to be with someone you love who is a great fit for you even though you know you’re capable of loving someone else more. I don’t want to throw away a great guy for the possibility of finding someone else, unless I should. Am I settling, or being overly critical?

-Confused and Worried