Should I Tell His Girlfriend He’s Been With Me For Years

Monday | May 8, 2023

Love Letters Relationships

Should I Tell His Girlfriend He’s Been With Me For Years

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Hi Meredith,

I’m a 50-year-old woman and I’ve been separated for approximately four years (that’s a whole other story). Long story short, I have met several individuals since becoming separated – nothing serious. I’m writing about this one man I met about two and a half years ago online. We agreed we didn’t want anything serious. I wasn’t sure about my marriage, and he had a long-term girlfriend he was living with but in another state. He was only in my city for work.

Now the situation is that everywhere he travels to for work, I’m there. We spend more time together than he does with the girlfriend. He only takes jobs in my city, and we behave like a couple. A very serious couple. He pays some bills for me, although I have a career. He cooks for me and caters to me when I’m with him. He says he loves me but I can’t say the same because he keeps saying, “You know my situation, right?”

At this age I feel this is a dead end, and when I try to cut it off he gets really defensive. He’s 52 and I have no time for the games. Our sex is out of this world and the chemistry is crazy. My best friend is telling me that the “girlfriend” should know, but I just feel like she will find out eventually. In this situation, what should I do? Walk away and just be quiet? Or tell her and make sure this is over? This is not his first time cheating on her. Other women did get in touch with her and told her. The difference is that know I could never trust him, so I really don’t want him to be with permanently. Meredith, what should I do?

– My Situation

End this relationship and move along. No discussion with this woman.

I could make a case for contacting her, but if you’re right and she’s already been told about his behavior, I’m not sure the risk is worth it. By telling her, you’d be involving yourself in their drama. You might have to deal with his reaction, which probably wouldn’t be pleasant.

You say you have no time for games, so don’t play them.

I won’t get into a big speech about why you dated this man, despite his commitment to someone else, for more than two years. You didn’t ask for my thoughts on why you were open to a casual relationship at a stranger’s expense, or why you allowed that connection to turn into something so serious. (I know sex is part of the appeal here, but there’s more to it than that.)

All I’ll say is that your goals might have changed over time. Maybe you’re looking something more significant and better for you, where there’s real trust. Use your time without him to think about that.

Get this done soon. You know it’s time to let go, so please don’t wait.

– Meredith

Readers? Should the LW talk to the girlfriend? Also, what should the LW think about as this relationship ends?

Relationships