‘She Loves To Party And Is The Center Of Attention’

Wednesday | March 9, 2022

Love Letters Relationships

‘She Loves To Party And Is The Center Of Attention’

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I met my match and she checks all the boxes. We grew up in the same city – far away from here – but met here at work in a biotech startup. She is the Padma Lakshmi type – talented, very attractive, smart and loves to cook, and I have fallen hook, line, and sinker. We are very compatible in almost all aspects but one. She loves to party and is the center of attention. I, on the other hand, am usually trying hard to conceal my sulking and waiting to go home. I do enjoy a few parties but those are usually with a few close friends.

We have been living together for over a year now and the word has gotten back to our parents. This has led to questions and expectations for the next step. We currently party almost twice every week (Saturdays, Sundays, and sometimes Friday nights). I have spoken to her about it a few times and it does die down for a few weeks, and then I feel bad and we start out again. The question in my mind is whether this is a phase-of-life thing (we are mid-20s) that will die down? Should I voice my concerns? I do not want to make a schedule. Even if she agrees, it will just kill the spontaneity. But at the same time need more time to ourselves. Please advise.

– Almost compatible

You should voice your concerns. Absolutely.

One solution might be that she parties with friends on a night that you stay home and watch television. I’m not saying you should live separate lives, but … why do you always have to party with her? Are you afraid for her safety? Do you feel like she doesn’t know her own limits?

If this is a “Wow, based on what I’m seeing, I should probably be there when she drinks this much” feeling, you should talk about that too. But otherwise, if it’s just about social time and you needing to be at home to recharge, give her – and yourself – some space to do what feels good. No one wants to sulk all night, and it’s no fun to be with a sulker. Perhaps one real night out on her own will make staying home something to look forward too.

I would imagine that over time, she and her friends will have less nights to do this kind of thing. Some people have kids, others move, etc. But you do want to know that she looks forward to the time she spends with you, without others. Bring that up and ask her to be honest. Maybe living together has made going out that much more important. Ask for transparency. Is she happy? You don’t want to get to that next step with so many doubts about your mismatching lifestyles.

I can’t speak to what your parents would say about this, but if the relationship, at its core, is wrong for you – if she’s clear that this is how she wants to spend every night of her weekends – maybe you need to take a closer look at those boxes from the first line of your letter.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this a match? What might change over time?

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