Should I See Him When I’m Home?

Friday | March 3, 2017

Love Letters Relationships

Should I See Him When I’m Home?

This person is from the UK. (Kilometers.)

I met a guy in September 2016, in my hometown. I live abroad (in Spain) but I have been back and forth to the UK due to a bereavement. We met again when I was visiting there in October. Over Christmas we didn’t have a chance to meet up, so he said he would come visit me, and he did. During his recent visit, we had an amazing weekend and I really feel like there is something there between us. We didn’t talk about what we were. We stayed in a hotel together and slept with each other for the first time.

When he returned to the UK, I asked him where he felt this was going. He said, “I had a great weekend. I don’t know if we’ll see each other again, but I hope so. If you want to, of course. I really like you but I don’t see how we can be more at the moment with the thousands of kilometers between us.” I said that if he saw no hope for us then maybe it’s just best to leave it, and he said he said he saw hope for us but not at this time. I will be in the UK for three weeks at the end of this month and my dilemma is: Do I see him again? I feel hurt because we had such an amazing weekend and he came all the way here – and now we are just friends?

I am thinking about moving back to my hometown, but I have a good job and can’t just leave straightaway. I would like a remote job that allows me to spend time at home with my family and have freedom to move around. I’m looking for that job but haven’t found one suited yet. I feel like he’s left me in limbo. Is this a case of now or never? Do I give up or should I see him when I am home?

– Coming Home

See him. Because I feel like a visit will get you out of limbo – or help you better understand that limbo. You and this man will either turn your time together into an extension of that night in Spain, or he’ll set boundaries, which will help you move on. If the first thing happens, it could add to the confusion, but you’ll be able to talk about it and make decisions accordingly. For the record, it sounds like he’s been clear, thoughtful, and realistic about his feelings and intentions. He likes you a lot, but there are a lot of kilometers in the equation.

As you figure this out, you must remember that you haven’t had much time with this man. If you talk to him about moving home, make it clear that it’s about wanting to be close to family. If you discuss what could happen when you return, acknowledge that you’d have to play your relationship by ear because you don’t know him well enough to do anything else.

Remind yourself that wanting to get to know him better is different than wanting to be his girlfriend.

– Meredith

Readers? Should she see him or skip it?

Distance Relationships