My Roommate Doesn’t Want My Girlfriend In The House

Monday | April 13, 2020

Love Letters Relationships

My Roommate Doesn’t Want My Girlfriend In The House

Hi Meredith,

Through this time of social distancing, I’ve continued to see my girlfriend outside my apartment, in outdoor settings. I was having her over regularly until my roommate told me she was no longer comfortable with it. It’s a fair concern – my girlfriend has roommates, so she’s exposed to other people. My roommate doesn’t want me going to my girlfriend’s place either, which I understand.

My issue is that it seems arbitrary that she’s comfortable with me seeing my girlfriend outside on walks. My girlfriend and I do kiss and hold hands when we see each other outside, which my roommate knows. What’s the difference at that point? I’m careful when I come home from these walks – washing hands, etc. – but I’ve still been exposed.

I want to make my roommate feel safe – she is terrified of what’s happening in the world right now – but the rules seem random, and engaging in my romantic relationship at this time is helpful for my own mental health.

– Conflicted

I’ll start by reminding you that I’m not in a position to give medical advice. Clearly.

What I do know is that social distancing has forced people to make big decisions about who they want in their household unit. If you live with a grandparent, it’s you and that grandparent … and then no one else is getting in.

In your case, the household is you, a roommate, and a girlfriend who’s been floating. Every time you see your significant other, you put each other at risk and then bring that risk back to your roommates. The “make out and hold hands, but do it outside” rule does seem arbitrary.

If you become a unit with your girlfriend, you might put less people at risk. That means having her move in with you (temporarily), or you move in with her and her roommates. It seems to me that two people kissing all the time would be better off in the same space, as opposed to split between two places.

Talk to your girlfriend about how you can minimize the risk this way. Is she open to sharing a room with you? Where is the best place to do that? Then have this conversation with your roommate. Honestly, in a week or so your roommate might change her mind about the walks, and then you won’t be seeing your girlfriend at all. You need to be prepared with a better plan.

– Meredith

Readers? How have you balanced roommates and significant others? What are your rules?

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Featured Comment

Your roommate is right. You are being careless. It is one thing to put yourself in jeopardy but you are potentially putting others in jeopardy as well. If you want to have physical contact with your girlfriend then one of you is going to have to basically live with the other and follow the protocols that are in place to keep the masses safe.

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