Should I Risk My Career And Move For Him?

Monday | September 24, 2018

Love Letters Relationships

Should I Risk My Career And Move For Him?

Dear Meredith,

I have been in an long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a few months now. Our relationship began when we were both in Asia. We got to know each other, and then a few weeks after our first (and supposedly last) date, he followed me to my home country for a couple of days before he needed to return home to Europe.

After that, we decided to continue the relationship even though it has meant risking a lot. We never thought we’d want to pursue any kind of long-distance relationship. But we have been lucky to have met up at least one weekend each month in London for five consecutive months, and we’ve shared three holidays trips that were a few weeks long.

We knew early on that we could not stay in this setup for longer than a year and a half. We both want to close the gap and live together. Unfortunately, it’s harder for me to live in Europe, so he did all he could to land a job in Asia. The one he wound up getting is closer, but not in my country. Now that we share the same time zone, the next step should be me moving to his country so we can be together. However, this means that I have to shift careers in my late 20s so that we can live together during his two-year contract. Do you think that the move is warranted? He sacrificed for me and I know this is a give and take, but I’m just afraid that the relationship won’t work for some reason, and that I’ll have risked my career in the process. I do sincerely love him.

– What now?

Your boyfriend just took a very big risk for you, right? I assume he doesn’t know many people in his new hometown, and that if he weren’t in a relationship with you, he would have stayed where he was. He made the leap because he wanted to put you first. He did it because this was always the plan.

You’ve invested time, money, and a great deal of patience in this relationship for more than a year. Don’t you want to see it through?

Some better questions: What happens if you don’t move? When will you ever be able to live in the same place? Can the relationship continue if you aren’t in the same city?

I have to wonder whether there are ways to stay tied to your career if you move. Maybe there’s remote work you can do to feel connected. Or perhaps you can maintain professional contacts and check in with them, just to make it clear you want to be remembered. There are probably more options than you think.

Long-term relationships do involve sacrifice. This is the first one you’ve really had to consider, but if you stay together, it won’t be the last one you have to make. A decision like this is scary. Risk always is. But it can come with great rewards. It’s time to decide whether how much you want them.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this a smart move?

Distance Relationships