The first thing to know is that five minutes isn’t so premature. Premature ejaculation is often described as something that happens in under a minute. Studies suggest that most men finish what they’re doing in about three to six minutes during intercourse. So maybe you should manage your expectations.

You should also think about what you mean by “lackluster.” Is it possible that you guys are just in a rut? That after five years, it’s less about stamina than it is about boredom? Perhaps you need to shake up your routine. And maybe you need to think about whether sex is the only thing holding you back. What else would you get by being single for a while?

Also, it’s great that he’s talked to doctors, but maybe it’d be more helpful to see a therapist together. A sex therapist, to be specific. There are plenty out there, and they’re trained to talk about this kind of thing without making their clients feel hopeless or, more importantly, selfish. It sounds like you and your boyfriend could benefit from that kind of audience so that you know where you really stand.

Readers? Cold feet? Unrealistic expectations? Sex therapy?

– Meredith