“.. should taking the next step in a relationship always feel like a ‘hell yes’ …”

It depends on the person and the decision, really. Some people might find it easy to be wildly enthusiastic about a decision … until it doesn’t work out. Others will always second-guess every life plan because that’s the process that makes them comfortable.

In your case, it seems like you’ve decided that a move with your boyfriend means you’ve signed on for forever. You’re having trouble with that concept because you don’t know what you’ll want over time. I have to wonder how your boyfriend sees this move. Has he said that it will put you on a new, more serious track? Or is it just one big change that you might make together? For now?

My feeling, based on your short letter, is that you’re more stressed about the idea of forever than you are about immediate steps. That makes me wonder whether you can press pause on making long-term plans and focus on what you might do in the next year. Find out whether this move is supposed to mean that you’re in this relationship for the rest of your life. It might not.

As you figure this out, also think about what you want when it comes to geography. If you were single, would you want to move or would you choose to stay right where you are? It’s difficult to get excited about something you don’t want to do. If he’s made this decision for himself, you can feel good about doing the same.

– Meredith

Readers? How much doubt is normal? Does the move have to mean everything?