Is Office Romance Really Off Limits?

Monday | December 19, 2016

Love Letters Relationships

Is Office Romance Really Off Limits?

If you’re a former letter writer and have an update on your problem, let us know what happened. Send to [email protected] with “update” in the subject line. Tell us if our advice was any good.

Dear Meredith,

I have a common but confusing problem. I have a crush on my new co-worker. “James” joined my office in July, and I was immediately physically attracted to him. He was very busy and out of the office for most of the summer, so our interactions were limited to a friendly “hello” here and there. Now he’s in the office regularly, and we recently sat next to each other at an all-day meeting. We had a chance to talk for the first time, and I really enjoyed getting to know him over the course of the day. There was definitely a comfortable connection and maybe even a mutual spark of interest. Since then, we exchange huge smiles whenever we see each other at the office.

I am well aware of the potential issues here. My office is small and close-knit with about a dozen full-time staff members. However, James and I are on the same level professionally, with different supervisors, and our job responsibilities and day-to-day work do not overlap in any way.

We are both in our mid-30s and single, while nearly everyone we work with is older/married. At this point, I just want to get to know him better. I’ve thought about inviting him to meet up for a drink after work, but I’m hesitant for obvious reasons. I’m so lucky to have a great work environment, so I feel like I’d be crazy to risk that by pursuing a co-worker. Then again, it’s hard to ignore my feelings. Is working together always a deal-breaker in these situations? Does it mean that a nice, smart, attractive guy is automatically off-limits? The rational part of my brain is saying “Don’t go there!” while the emotional part is saying “But what if?” Which part should I listen to?

– Confused Co-worker

Whenever we have a letter about a possible office romance, commenters seem to agree that it’s not worth the risk. There have been some exceptions – if the letter writer works for a massive company, readers seem more open – but for the most part, this crowd says to leave work crushes alone, especially if the letter writer loves the job.

But here’s the thing: I almost always disagree. I know so many great couples who met at work. Even in my own building, there are a pack of happy twosomes who make it all seem worthwhile. There are also people who’ve had to deal with office breakups (myself included). Even though the aftermath of those relationships is never easy, everyone keeps working.

In your case, it’s too early to think about a breakup. You don’t even know if you really like this guy; all that’s there is attraction with potential. A drink invitation sounds like a good way to see if a) he wants to get to know you better, too and b) there’s any real compatibility outside of the office. Silence the questions in your head by making the simple request.

– Meredith

Readers? Disagree? (At least she doesn’t work in human resources.)

Office Relationships