A.

How dishonest?

Like, “I’m not a young billionaire like in ’50 Shades of Grey’; I’m only 10 shades of Grey?”

Or like, “I have $300,00 in student loans and never thought it was worth mentioning because doesn’t everyone have student loans?”

Or, “Now that we’ve applied for a rental, you see that my credit score is 6. Sorry about that.”

Or, “I said I didn’t have much money and make you pay for everything, but now I’m admitting I have a trust fund that I could be using whenever I want.”

There are many ways to be dishonest about finances. Some are more hurtful (and dangerous) than others. 

Some people never learned to manage their money. I know a lot of people (myself included) who got a first credit card in their late teens, and it felt like free cash. Later, it was not free!

Sometimes people are desperate to learn how to get out of the hole they’re in, but don’t know where to go for help. Perhaps they need a financial advisor-type to tell them what they can spend without living beyond their means.

My question: if that’s the issue here – a lack of personal finance skills – how willing is your significant other to learn? How willing are you to trust them and watch as they figure it out?

If the lie is a bit different – something that suggests that you don’t share the same values about how to live – it’s enough to end the relationship. If one of you wants to spend on travel and experiences and the other can only feel safe by saving 100 percent of the time, that’s going to cause conflict. 

Find out more and consider whether there’s an openness for education and compromise. 

– Meredith

Readers? What financial infidelities could you forgive? Would you wait as someone learns how to handle money? Does age (something we don’t know) matter here?

Send your own letter here – or to [email protected]. I’m reading. Taking letters about complicated friendships, too.