Instead of running to A, consider talking to B in the moment.

As in, “Hey, B, when you said that rude thing to our mutual friend, it really hurt his feelings.” Or, “B, our mutual friend was talking. Can you let her finish her sentence?”

I’m not sure it’ll help. B sounds unpleasant. But if B is going to hang out without A, they’re no longer just an accessory to the group. I think it’s best to go straight to them with notes.

I do wonder why B is around so much, especially without A. Are you required to invite B to social events? If B is bad company, why not drop them from the invite list? If it were me, I’d only see B with A. I’d keep social outings exclusive. If A asks why, you can have a more honest conversation about your experience.

This might cause a rift, but dealing with a fissure in the group might be better than spending time with someone you don’t like. You can find new ways to hang out with A, when it makes sense. Or maybe B will rise to the occasion and become better company. 

The group might not be “the group” forever, by the way. The dynamics will change as your friends age. You’ll need new ways to see people and enjoy them. It might start with the adjustments you make now.

– Meredith