A.

Your therapist is probably right. People are all over the place with schedules, and it’s difficult to find an inner circle that’s always available like characters are on TV.

I also think that while fictional people on TV hang out in a pack (that makes for good television!), real people often want to keep to smaller groups.

This is a 2025 thing, too, I believe. The world feels so chaotic, which is why a one-on-one dinner might feel nicer than going to a bar with 20 friends. 

All of that said, I do think it might be worth talking to a very close friend about this struggle – someone who is loving but also honest. You could ask them why friendship feels like such a struggle.

Is it that you’re expecting too much time from people? Is it that the people in your life have other priorities, and all of this is normal?

This talk isn’t designed to accuse anyone of ignoring you. It would just be nice to know what’s happening, from someone else’s perspective. 

Right before I started this column, it felt like friends were avoiding me – or … not enjoying me. One friend (who works for the Globe! A great columnist!) said to me, quite lovingly, “You have become bad company because I think you’re untreated for depression.” And I was like, “Huh. You are correct.” I got some help, and over time I got better – and I appreciated an honest friend who helped me get happier and make other people happier.

For all I know, you’re fine, doing great, and having very typical post-grad experiences. But if you have that kind of honest, loving, longtime friend, ask for a snapshot of your social life.

Also: if most of this has to do with friends hanging out without you, I think it’s good to embrace being left out sometimes. Love is abundant; we’re allowed to share. If you’re not always on the guest list, that’s OK.

– Meredith

Readers? Do you mind if friends hang out without you? How can a person figure out whether friendship discomfort is about busy schedules … or something else? Any tips on growing friendships when your group falls away?

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