I’m excited to hear what commenters have to say about your issue because joking through complicated experiences feels very Boston.

Some locals who read this column might not even know you can talk about big issues without humor.

I also suspect there are people in this audience who have very jokey, teasing romantic partners. I’d like to hear about that – and how that works (with or without tears).

There’s a lot of joking around in my family, but it’s not quite like this. It’s never a roast of the person in front you. It’s always … laughing at a situation. Sometimes it’s a way to avoid feeling something too sad or scary.

That could be why your family jumps to humor. If they let you feel miserable, they might have to admit that sadness … exists.

My advice is to have important conversations with one person at a time. It’s harder to roast a person if there’s no laugh track from other siblings, parents, etc. If you’re going to call someone out and ask them to be more sensitive, do that one-on-one, too. You might get better results.

Also, pick your best audience. If your brother can’t deal with real talk, find a faraway cousin once removed. Maybe the best listener of the bunch is a relative who’s not in the inner circle.

Consider that people find friends for a reason. We extend our webs because family can’t cover all of our needs. Of course you want your siblings and parents to know you and treat you well. But they might not be the people you run to for important conversations.

I hope you have some excellent, supportive, sensitive people you call chosen family. 

– Meredith