My Crush Is Hanging Out With A Married Woman

Monday | December 14, 2015

Love Letters Relationships

My Crush Is Hanging Out With A Married Woman

Former letter writers: Send updates about your situation. You can send through the form or to meregoldstein at gmail. Include your original email address so I know it’s you.

Dear Meredith,

I am a 23-year-old college student working on my master’s degree. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of four years, but have already found myself extremely attracted to my classmate. The more time I spend with him, the more I am drawn to him. He seems very sweet and genuine. I told myself that once I have gotten over my ex, I would ask him out.

At the beginning of the quarter he seemed to want to hang out with me all the time – until I told him that I had broken up with my ex. Since then, he’s been hanging around this other girl … who is married. Every time we have class together, he’s always sitting next to her. They go out to lunch and dinner, they go to the gym together, and they draw in each other’s sketchbooks (we are in an art program). He’s told me that it’s admiration, but the way I read their body language just screams “couple” to me. He’s already collaborating with this woman and her husband on projects (questionable?). I work so hard to concentrate on my own work, to focus on my own growth, but when I see them together, it’s difficult. He hasn’t treated me any different, but now our conversations are centered on school rather than getting to know each other.

Coming to the school of my dreams was supposed to be fun and exciting, but lately I just get upset being there. I get hurt every time I see them together and have already missed a few of my classes. The weekends are the only time that I look forward to because it brings relief of not seeing them. I don’t know how to get through this.

– Terrified

A few things:

1. Some of this misery is about mourning the loss of your boyfriend. Even if you were more than ready to drop him after four years, it takes a while to get used to a new routine. You need time to acclimate to single life.

2. I can’t tell you what your crush is doing with this woman (and her husband), but at the very least, they’re sketching in each other’s notebooks and working on projects as a team. That makes sense – you’re in an art program where people bond over their professional passions. It sounds like you could use some new friends who want to stay up all night and talk about the craft. Try to expand your circle so that there’s more to school than classes and seeing the object of your affection. With more friends around, you’ll get a better sense of how important your crush really is (or isn’t). It’ll also remind you why you’re at school in the first place.

3. Your sign-off on this letter is “Terrified.” That’s not what you are, right? From what I’ve read, you’re annoyed and bummed. Maybe a little jealous, too. Don’t turn this into a monumental disaster. Really, it’s just a transition.

Readers? Should she tell him how she feels and get some clarity? Should she work on herself first? How can she get some perspective here?

– Meredith

Crush Relationships

Featured Comment

Forget about this friend as anything more than a friend. At the very least he is signaling to you – since you told him about your breakup – that he is not interested. At worst, he’s got unsavory designs on this married woman. Either way, this isn’t the guy for you.

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