Dear Meredith,

My husband is the love of my life and absolutely my best friend. He’s such a good partner, and I consider myself incredibly lucky to have him. The problem? His mother is basically the worst. Years ago, when he introduced us, she made it clear that she was the primary woman in his life. She told me that relationships come and go, but that she would always be his mother. She was upset that we came from different religious backgrounds and that I grew up middle class (his family is quite wealthy). Despite her objections, we continued dating and we became the best of friends and partners.

Wedding planning was a disaster, and she felt insulted if we didn’t go with her ideas. Really, every milestone that should have been a happy occasion seemed to revolve entirely around her and her feelings of letting go. Fast forward to present day, and her commentary is basically driving me nuts. She often texts that she misses my husband, and makes comments that she never sees him (he visits often). When she says awful comments, my husband does try to defend me, although he is so nice and thoughtful in his approach that it really doesn’t seem effective. I feel like the family members have collectively enabled her to the extent that she doesn’t know how to deal with her disappointment. I’ve always held my tongue knowing it wasn’t worth the drama. I’ve always attempted to smile and remain polite. That being said, I feel like I’m about to crack with this woman.

I recognize I need to somehow improve my relationship with her for the sake of my husband, but am at a total loss when it comes to having a better relationship with a woman I’ve really just come to despise. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

– The Other Woman