Hi Meredith,

A few months ago, I began dating my friend’s sister. It was cool at first. We had good dates and talked about current events and music. She kept saying I was “too nice” to her, which I found weird, but then I realized that men around my age (between 25 and 31) are sometimes not nice. She told me I seemed to want something more serious, but that she was more casual about things. I thought, “No, we can keep everything casual,” but I soon realized that I did want something more.

I figured if we kept hanging out, she would fall for me. Yes, that was wishful thinking. But even after she told me how she felt, we did small things like hold hands and show public display of affection. We hung out and messaged one another almost daily (mind you, she says she hates text messages and phone calls). She did things she normally didn’t do. I knew, however, something was off when after she came over to spend the day. She said she had a minor “freak out” because she’d never traveled state lines to see someone. (We live close enough, but in two different states.) In the end, I tried to convince her we could keep things the same, but she didn’t see it that way.

She has since stopped responding to my (three) text messages. I didn’t call her and don’t think I plan to. I tried to be nice and invited her to a party hosted by her brother, which she probably knew about, but I figured it was an attempt to keep things cordial. She didn’t acknowledge that at all. I have a book she lent me and I figured it’s an excuse (once I read it) to see her, perhaps. I think – but I could be wrong – that she’s avoiding me in hopes that feelings she may have developed go away (I have no proof of this). Or maybe she wants nothing to do with me? I somehow hold out hope that we can rekindle everything. My friends say don’t bother with her. I keep thinking I did something wrong (she says I didn’t), but maybe I got too attached too quickly? Do I move on or should I hold out hope?

– A wishful thinker