Dear Meredith,

I am 42 (divorced) and my now ex-boyfriend is 45 (divorced and sober). We had been together (exclusive) just six months, known each other for about 10 months. We had been talking about moving in together. Those six months were some of the most incredible months of my life.

The other morning I opened my laptop and it immediately opened to his email. This isn’t the first time this has happened. The previous times I had just logged out of his email/Facebook. I had no need or desire to snoop, even though it was so easy. This time my gut instinct told me to look.

I found several emails going back and forth between him and other men on Craigslist. They were discussing meeting up for sex. One email discussed what hotel he was staying at in Boston (he stayed in the city one night after a concert), money, and an ad he had previously responded to.

I quickly became scared for my health and what he might have brought in to my home. I let the fear control me and I woke him and demanded that he leave. He was confused at first, then said, “Okay, you have already made up your mind.” He said he never met with these men, that this was a joke, a way to relieve boredom.

In the first week after this, he and I exchanged a couple of emails where he basically reiterated what he had said — that this was a joke to relieve boredom. The relationship is now over; I lost his trust by snooping on him and dismissing him so quick. I am sure he can no longer trust me because I went in to his email. He lost my respect for singling out a group of people to bully. I cannot understand why someone would do that when bored.

Was I wrong in the way I handled it? Was it wrong of me to snoop? Do you think there is more to this side of him? I forwarded those emails to myself. Should I destroy them?

I am already in contact with my doctor about testing. My psychologist is on vacation.

– Sad, Lonely and Feeling Lost on the South Shore