Love Letters: Talking To My Girlfriend About A Porn Problem

Thursday | September 18, 2014

Love Letters Relationships

Love Letters: Talking To My Girlfriend About A Porn Problem

Dear Meredith,

I’ve been dating this wonderful woman for 1 year and 8 months and things have been going great for us overall. I love her deeply and am fully committed to her.

I recently began working for a company where I am constantly surrounded by temptation. Many of my male coworkers regularly engage in watching pornography and belittle woman. I have never been a “porn guy” so for me this was a little weird.

As of recently I began to watch more porn and I think it is getting out of control. At times I find myself not attracted to my girlfriend as much anymore. I feel awful about this because for the time we have dated she has been nothing but supportive and loving.

As of recently I got into a bit of trouble with my boss because he caught me downloading porn in the workplace. I feel ashamed of my new ways and I think I need to come clean with my girlfriend. I am scared because I don’t know how she will take this news.

– Pirate Without a Paddle

You can talk to your girlfriend about this, but choose your words carefully. She doesn’t have to know every detail about your waning attraction. You can discuss your issues without making her feel like she’s no longer wanted.

Make it clear to her that you’re going to make an appointment with a therapist — and then follow through. Anytime you think a habit is “getting out of control,” it’s good to get a reality check. You should talk to a professional about how you felt about your job and your relationship before you began downloading this stuff. A therapist can be objective and take the time to help you figure out what to do next.

The only thing your girlfriend needs to know right now is that you have an issue and that you’re getting help. She won’t love any of this, but keep telling her what you told us. “I love her deeply and am fully committed to her.”

Readers? Does he have to tell his girlfriend about the porn? Should he see a therapist? What about the work environment? Does this behavior say something about his relationship?

– Meredith

Relationships