Love Letters: No Luck With Dating

Thursday | October 16, 2014

Love Letters Relationships

Love Letters: No Luck With Dating

Hi Meredith,

I’m having a bit of dating troubles these days. I want a serious relationship, but I either get the guys who just wanna have fun or the unavailable men who need to see if they still have it or not. Meanwhile, my 21-year-old associate has no problem getting men over the age of 30 to approach her.

I’m starting to think it’s me. I’ve tried online dating but am now leery because one guy turned out to be abusive. I’ve been cancelled on and have felt like I was always the one making the effort.

I’m also considering it’s because I date outside of my race and most people operate in the social structure of race.

I think I’m a good person. I try to be polite, even if that means not saying anything at times. I’m respectful. I’m just a bit reserved and introverted. This comes off as stuck up. I just don’t talk unless someone talks to me first. I’m OK with being with myself, however I do want the company of others sometimes.

How can I keep my head up and not feel like I have to be someone I’m not? How can I stay optimistic and hopeful when love is working against me?

– Who Knows, New Orleans

You don’t have to be someone you’re not, but it helps to be friendly. It also helps to be clear about what you want, especially if you’re dating online. If you’re looking for someone who can make you laugh, say that. If you want a partner who can also be a good friend, make that clear.

This stuff takes time, and you’re bound to have some missteps along the way. (Forget the 21-year-old coworker. Who knows what kind of attention she’s really getting?)

Your best bet is to have a really great circle of friends who help you feel confident about who you are. It’s OK to be shy, but you shouldn’t be afraid to speak before you’re spoken to. You need to be around the kind of people who bring out your best. Take a good look at your friends and think about whether they help you feel like your happiest self. That’s what draws others.

Readers? Is this a race thing? Is it an introvert thing? Is this just about patience?

– Meredith

Relationships