Hello,

My husband and I are in our early 40s and have been together for 15 years. My husband has a PhD and a small business where a bunch of younger women in their 20s and 30s work for him. I, on the other hand, have always worked for big companies.
During our relationship we have always trusted each other and neither one of us had ever snooped in the other person’s business. Not until we were out together and he acted strange when I looked over his shoulder when he was texting someone.

The day after, I had forgotten my phone so I asked for his phone and he was reluctant to give it to me. These two acts made me snoop into his text messages and I found texts going back and forth between him and one of his employees. I found the conversation inappropriate. I confronted him and he said that they were just goofing and laughing about stuff that had happened in the office and that nothing inappropriate has taken place. He said the only part that is not tasteful is the fact that he had replied to her text when he was out with me.

I have to say that the text conversations were mostly initiated by her from what I remember. I don’t know her, but I expect my husband to be able to draw the line and not text like that. (I am pretty sure that if her husband sees those messages, he will have an issue with it, trust me.) I was very upset for a while and then he told me that he had asked his employees not to text him anymore. I have to say that I trusted my husband when he said that nothing inappropriate is going on and that he is just friendly with people who work for him. But I snooped again and found another text message. They all had gone out together to eat and this woman had texted him many pictures including selfies of herself and other girls to him. My husband says that I am conservative and that these are nothing.

I would never text my boss to begin with, but I would never send him pictures. He said, “Well, it’s not in your character to do that, but if you do it, it’s OK!” Anyhow, my question is: Am I too conservative? Is it OK to laugh about stuff in a flirty way over a text message and send selfies with your coworkers? Now he is actually upset at me because I snooped and that I don’t trust him when he says nothing is going on. I actually still trust him. Maybe I am naive but I just think that he should draw a firmer line with his employees and the way they communicate. He might know his own intentions and interpret them as being friendly, but others might not. Am I right? Am I just used to a corporate environment or is it really inappropriate?

– Crossing the line in a professional relationship?