My husband and I have been together for 24 years (married for 19) and have an 11-year-old son. Three weeks ago he told me that he was unhappy, had met someone else, and wanted a separation. I asked him repeatedly to go to counseling and he said that he didn’t think that we could make each other happy. (I should also mention a that he is very interested in S&M.) Over the years I have asked him to go to marriage counseling to deal with our issues, most glaringly our lack of sex. We have had sex perhaps four times in the past four years. In my opinion, he had been uninterested in sex unless it included domination. I had complained that we had become mere roommates.

When it became obvious to me that he didn’t think that we could be together, I told him that it sounded like what he wanted was not a separation, but a divorce. I asked him to work toward moving out, go through mediation to move the process along as quickly as possible, and, most importantly, focus on working together to speak with our son and address his needs. I also asked him to stop seeing the girlfriend while he was living in our home. He has refused and has been going out on dates with her.

He doesn’t agree with my assertion that his behavior is incredibly insensitive and disrespectful. I am so frustrated that I have been unable to get him to see this, and with trying to get him to focus on moving forward as quickly as possible with a parenting and financial agreement. We are both 52 years old but he is acting like a lovestruck teenager and a twenty-something bachelor.
Am I being unreasonable in asking him to refrain from dating this woman while living in our home?

– Still Married