Hi Meredith,

I am in my mid-20s and in my first serious adult relationship, now about eight months in. For the most part everything is wonderful. “C” and I get along well, have great chemistry, and love exploring new activities together. We’ve worked through conflicts as they’ve arisen, and he’s more or less brought me into his friend group, including as a date to five weddings (mid-late 20s, yeesh!).

About a month ago, C told me he loved me for the first time. I had waited and given him the opportunity to initiate this, and was thrilled that he did, and it certainly brought our relationship to “another level.”

My issue is that since then, he has only said it once more! In over a month! And the one time when I initiated the words, he didn’t reciprocate, and said later that he didn’t want it to turn into a mindless or compulsory thing. Fair, if a little annoying, and some girlfriends of mine have had the same thing said by their boyfriends.

Should I be concerned that he doesn’t say “I love you” more? Maybe he loves me as a friend but is realizing he’s not in love? I find myself worrying that he’s already losing interest post-ILY. He has filled in with other things: you’re amazing, you’re so giving — though in general he’s not a super expressive person. I even spent the first few dates wondering if he even liked me as he didn’t smile or laugh much. I should note that I’ve had several (less serious) relationships end with me blindsided by a very sudden change of heart in my partner, so I’m certainly prone to worrying.

How do I navigate this predicament? Any advice appreciated!

– Where Is the Love?