Love Letters: I’ve Only Been With One Woman

Friday | September 5, 2014

Love Letters Relationships

Love Letters: I’ve Only Been With One Woman

Hi Meredith,

When I was 25 years old, I had a fling with someone at work. The thing is, I was a virgin then. Long story short, she got pregnant and we had a beautiful baby girl. One year later, a little boy came into our life. My goal was to try to make it work. We knew each other for maybe two or three years in passing at work but we were only in the dating phase for five or six weeks when my daughter was conceived

I love my kids, but I think that because this is the only woman I have been with (I am 32 now) I am always wondering what if. I envy her because she had many different experiences and now she is OK to settle down. She loves me a lot and I think I kind of love her (I’ve never loved someone before), but I feel like I have to sleep with other people to know what it’s like, to know if I missed out on anything before I can commit.

The thing is, it would break up what we have. I can either be with her and have a typical family and keep the kids very happy, or step aside and see what is out there but lose the stability of having the whole family together.

– Only Been With One Woman

It sounds like you need to be on your own, but please consider two things.

1. This has to be about connection, not just sex. Sex is great and all, but you don’t have to try it with a zillion people before making the decision to settle down. You should be looking for someone who makes you excited to be in a couple.

2. Please know that while you’re out trying to sleep with others, the mother of your children will find someone else. You should think about how that will make you feel. When you consider losing her as a partner, are you scared? Frustrated? Or relieved?

Think about what you’d be trying to accomplish by being alone. Consider what you’re willing to lose. Then talk to your partner. It might be best to break up what you have, but you must know why you’re leaving, how it would work, and what you expect to find.
Readers? Should he stay or go? Is this just about sex?

– Meredith

Relationships