Love Letters: Is This A Meaningful Fling?

Friday | November 7, 2014

Love Letters Relationships

Love Letters: Is This A Meaningful Fling?

Let’s start by saying that I’m separated. By that I mean that my “husband” (not divorced) and I, who get along without any animosity (plus we are great friends), continue to live in the same house but have agreed, as friends, to allow each other the opportunity to look for a new relationship. It is all very civilized and above board.

I started a long-distance relationship with a man who has never been married and has not had a long-term relationship. He does not seem to be able to wrap his head around the very clear arrangement that my husband and I have. I like the long-distance part as it is. He does not offer commitment and I don’t want commitment, but I consider it a meaningful relationship, while he, despite very obvious signs of caring, often calls it a fling and can, at times, be insensitive.

How do I get him to understand that “flings” can be meaningful?

– Meaningful flings

You shouldn’t have to convince this person that your relationship is meaningful. If he tells you that this is an unimportant fling, please believe him. Really, it sounds like the guy is just trying to set some clear boundaries to avoid confusion. If you don’t like those boundaries — and how he has to behave to maintain them — you can walk away.

You mention that your arrangement with your husband is above board and civilized. That’s great. But if you’re really looking for a new relationship (something that goes beyond fling), you must consider living on your own. You’re not yet divorced. Your husband shares your living space. It’s going to be difficult to achieve “meaningful” with a new partner until you’re really single.

Readers? Is this a meaningful fling? What is the letter writer looking for? How long should this living arrangement go on?

– Meredith

Relationships