Hey Meredith,

I’m in my late 20s and I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. We have an amazing relationship. Really good communication, lots of fun, and mutual respect and love. Overall, I feel like it’s happy, healthy, and likely to be long-term.
He has had a lot of recent success and his career prospects look great. I am, of course, incredibly proud and supportive.

However, my career is somewhat stalled, and lately I’ve been feeling like a total failure. I thought I’d be way further along in my field by now. I hate feeling like I’m the weak link in our relationship, and I worry that in the future he will wake up one day and decide he’d rather be with someone who is more on his level and is also top of their field. It should be said that I have a good job that I like (not love) and I’m working toward furthering my career. Still, I won’t have the same level of success that he will likely have if his career continues on its current trajectory.

My fears about our future don’t come from him. In fact, he’s supportive and proud of my accomplishments. When I’ve brought this up to him, he says he feels lucky to be with me and that we’re a great team. But I just worry that he’s going to outpace me professionally and then eventually want to be with someone who has the same level of success. I also don’t want to wind up being a couple that isn’t able to talk about their work as equals, and for him to be the interesting one.

Am I just being paranoid? How do I stop feeling like I’m the loser in this relationship?

– Weakest Link, Boston