Dear Meredith,

Let me save everyone a step and throw the therapy card at myself. I know that I need to do some deeper digging into the questions I have, but for now I’m throwing myself upon the mercy of the crowd for a more short-term answer to a long-term question.

I am a middle-aged mom of two, divorced for about six years (very amicable, no ex drama), and have been in my current relationship (cohabiting) for nearly five years. He and I love each other, have weathered some very challenging obstacles, have great communication, great sex, love to spend time together by ourselves or with my kids, have a great extended family, good group of close friends, etc. We have differing opinions on how money should be spent (I’m a saver, he’s a spender). Other than that it’s the general domestic clichés like which way to hang the toilet paper or how to squeeze the toothpaste tube. We have only had a few “serious” arguments and we have resolved the issues that caused them. Overall we’re really happy.
It is no secret that he wants to get married, and certain things are giving me the impression that he is planning a proposal on New Year’s Eve.

Here’s the thing: I don’t ever want to get divorced again. And the only way to guarantee that will never happen is to not get married again.

I am confident and secure that we want to be with each other always, so why do I feel like making it legal would make me feel trapped for lack of a better word? As I said, my divorce was not traumatic or dramatic, but when I got married to my ex, I certainly never would have predicted that some day it would end in divorce. I don’t see myself ever wanting to leave my man, but what does that really mean in the grand scheme of all life’s twists and turns? I am a lifelong serial monogamist for what it’s worth, with several long-term, committed relationships throughout high school, college, and 20s, and I have no wish to be alone or to be with someone other than him, but I don’t need “that piece of paper” to feel that we are 100 percent committed to each other/our family.

Oddly enough, the thought of just being engaged (indefinitely?) makes me kind of giddy.

So there it is. How do I respond to the proposal if it happens? “Will you marry me?” “Yes, but not any time soon?!”
Have at it, readers.

– Insert Clever Pseudonym Here, NH