Love Letters: His Hobby Has Taken Over

Tuesday | October 21, 2014

Love Letters Relationships

Love Letters: His Hobby Has Taken Over

Hi Meredith,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for one year. He’s kind, thoughtful, and we have a lot of fun. The problem is that he is away every weekend sailing. He sails competitively and has become much more involved in this over the last six months. This is taking a toll on our relationship. I have expressed an interest in joining him and learning but he has not responded positively.

Another issue is that a member of his sailing team is his ex-girlfriend. I’m very uncomfortable with the fact that he chooses to spend every weekend with this group that includes her, leaving very little time for us to spend together. I love that he has a hobby that he is passionate about (I have my own interests and I make plans on the weekends too), but I feel that he needs to pay more attention to our relationship. He is unwilling to make plans with me just in case some sailing event is organized that he might want to attend.

Am I being unreasonable?

– Feeling Neglected, Beverly

You’re not being unreasonable. You’ve supported his hobby and you want him to be happy, but there has to be something left for you when he gets off the boat.

If he’s away every weekend and doesn’t want you involved in his sailing life, things are going to get worse. If he refuses to make plans, you won’t be able to grow as a couple. The ex-girlfriend isn’t as scary as his lack of interest in managing his schedule.

Ask him how this is supposed to work and keep the question open-ended. Think about whether you can live with his answer. If not, you may disembark.

Readers? How do you deal with a partner’s hobby? Should he let her into his sailing world? What about the ex?

– Meredith

Relationships