Love Letters: Growing Out Of The Relationship

Tuesday | September 9, 2014

Love Letters Relationships

Love Letters: Growing Out Of The Relationship

Dear Meredith,

I have been with my boyfriend since we were 15 (we’re 20 now). We’ve known each other since we were kids (we lived down the street from each other).

Recently, things between us have been really different and I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he insists that everything is OK. However, I’m not as excited as I was to see him or do anything with him. I met another guy at school. At first we were shy talking to each other, but as time progressed we now talk all the time in class. He makes me laugh and smile, he waits for me after class, and he walks me to my car (I honestly have not felt like that in a while). The guy in my class knows about my relationship situation and continues to treat me the way my boyfriend should be treating me.

I think I am starting to have feelings for this guy, but I’m still in a relationship. I feel that I’m ready to talk to other people, but at the same time I’m not exactly ready to let go of the relationship. However, my boyfriend is starting to notice a change in my attitude with him, but I don’t know how to tell him. Being in the relationship I’m in, I realized that I am not as happy and I just feel like we’re forcing it.

My boyfriend isn’t career orientated and just complains about his minimum wage job (he isn’t doing anything about it). I’m just tired of “babying” him and sometimes paying for meals for a week straight when we go out. I’m just really confused about this whole situation. Please help.

– Hopelessly Confused, California

You know what you must do. Be kind and get it over with.

Explain to your boyfriend that you’re growing, learning, and meeting new people, and that it’s time for you to experience life on your own. Tell him that it’s heartbreaking to let him go — you’ve spent your life with him — but you can’t pretend the relationship works the way it did before.

Delivering that speech will be difficult, but the real challenge will be leaving him alone after the breakup. This new guy will not become your insta-boyfriend. He might not even want to date you. You’ll have to learn to be single. No calling your old boyfriend late at night when things get scary.

It’ll be a loss, but you owe it to your boyfriend — and yourself — to figure out what you really want. There’s no need to force a relationship. You both deserve better.

Readers? Should she stay in the relationship? Is this about wanting to break up — or just about a crush on a new guy?

– Meredith

Relationships