Love Letters: Getting Over The Affair

Wednesday | October 29, 2014

Love Letters Relationships

Love Letters: Getting Over The Affair

Meredith,

I have been married for 10 years to a very sweet, responsible man and we have an 8-year-old daughter. This past summer I had a fling with a married man, Sam. It wasn’t a very physical relationship, but I have become deeply emotionally involved through the phone calls and emails we’ve shared. Our spouses know about this and my husband and I are in counseling.

I have changed my phone number and blocked Sam’s emails in order to comply with terms of counseling, but my heart is not in it. How do I forget what I feel for Sam? I was never at any point attracted to my husband the way I am to him.

– Selfish and Immature, Arlington

I can’t fix your marriage in a few paragraphs or tell you how to forget Sam. There’s no magic pill for this. It takes time, and if this affair happened just a few months ago, it’s not surprising that you’re still mourning the loss of Sam in October.

If you want to get through this sooner than later, stop putting everything in the context of Sam. Focus on the marriage instead of what Sam brought to your life. Consider what you get from your family instead of comparing Sam to your husband. Comparisons are worthless in this situation. One man is your husband, and the other just isn’t.

Sam is out of the equation — gone — which means it’s time to think about what’s left.

Readers? How does she get over Sam? How can she stop comparing? What should happen here?

– Meredith

Relationships