Love Letters: Falling For A Married Man?

Monday | November 10, 2014

Love Letters Relationships

Love Letters: Falling For A Married Man?

Meredith,

I am 29 and have a young child. I am a very hard-working mother. I have worked with a man (age 49) for several years, and he has been a wonderful advocate at work and a fun person to be around. He has helped me with things like snow blowing (he lives about 20 minutes away) and comforted me after a death in the family. He is married with three kids and has been for about 15 years. About six months ago, his wife called and asked me to cut as much contact as I could with him because she felt her husband was obsessed with me and that it was hurting their marriage.

For the most part I did, but I have asked him for help when my car broke down and things like that. He also initiated contact for non-work related things. I guess she found out and flipped out. She called again and said that her husband was in love with her but that she doesn’t know if the marriage is salvageable and asked me not to contact him for anything but work-related issues. He and I have spoken a few times outside of work and he is so caring and wonderful to me.

I now think I really love this man, but do I? I am so confused. I think he is very confused too. He wants to leave her but doesn’t want to leave his children. Can this ever work?

– Confused in NH

This man is married, so regardless of how you might feel about him, a relationship is off the table. Tell him that he needs to deal with his family, and that you need to become less dependent on him for help.

After you set the boundary, consider your feelings. Are you really in love this guy or is this just about wanting a partner? What if there was another man who could comfort you during tough times and pick you up when your car breaks down? What if you owned your own snowblower? You have no idea what it would be like to be in a real relationship with this almost-50-year-old man who has three kids. You just know that it’s nice to be cared for.

Cut him off and call a snow removal service. For now, that’s the only answer to this question.

Readers? Should she be depending on him? Is she in love? Is he?

– Meredith

Relationships