Hi Meredith,

Long-time reader, first-time writer.

I’m a 33-year-old professional woman with a job I love and a great group of friends. I’ve been out of the dating scene for a while because, honestly, no one seemed worth my time. I had a fairly specific idea of what I wanted in a man: slightly older, successful business man (lawyer, finance, sales, etc), with a good degree, strong family values, drug free.

After my two-year relationship ended when I was 27 (yes … it has been THAT long), I took some time for myself. Counseling (I have/had self-esteem issues), travel, friends — typical “finding myself” adventures. I dated here and there, mostly from online sites, but never found anyone worth my time.

Until recently. Three months ago I went on a first date with “Phil.” I fully admit that the first date was awful. I’m a fairly shy and quiet person, but he was even more quiet. I led the conversation and was the loud one. I was convinced that there was no chemistry. But to my surprise, as he walked me to my car, he kissed me. I decided to give him another chance. The second date proved to be a complete 180 from the initial meeting. He was talkative, funny, engaging, and sweet. We spent hours just sitting there at the bar talking. It was great.

So why am I writing? Because I’m confused. We’ve gone on many dates in the past three months. They’ve all been great and have included a few sleepovers, which were amazing. But I want more. I want to have “the talk.” I want to commit to him and him to me. But after three months of dating and trying to keep it breezy and light, how do I bring it up without scaring him off? We’ve had conversations where we’ve admitted that we like each other a lot, but how do I approach telling him that there’s no one else for me?

– Awful at Dating, North of Boston