Meredith,

I am in college. When I was 16, I met the love of my life. Unfortunately, for many reasons, my family despised him, and eventually he got banned from my house. My sister and I stopped talking for about a year because she did not like him. My dad thought he was disrespectful (because my sister said so), although he never did anything that supports this claim. My sister and her boyfriend had let air out of my boyfriend’s tires simply because they didn’t like him. One day, he got a flat tire out of nowhere, and thought it was my sister again, and when it blew up into a huge fight, the banning happened.

My dad made multiple attempts to try to keep me from seeing him; he blocked his number from my cell phone, threatened to take my car away, etc. Despite those efforts, I continued seeing him for about two years. Eventually, though, not having my family there for me really got to me, and a few misunderstandings with my boyfriend caused us to break apart. A couple of months after we split, I reconnected with my sister. We are now as close as we were before this drama happened. I have a good relationship with the rest of my family, as well.

My ex and I reconnected a couple of months ago. I do not live at home anymore; I’m on campus at my university. I want to be honest with my family about this reconnection, but I’m scared. I have been doing really well in college. I have all A’s and I don’t party at all. I’ve matured a lot in the past few months, and I want my family to understand that it is my choice who I date. My father is currently paying for my tuition, and I’m afraid he will threaten my future if he finds out we are back together, but I can’t stand hiding this anymore.

I don’t want to lose my family, but I also don’t want to lose my boyfriend. We are planning on moving in together next year and I don’t want to drop that bomb on them out of nowhere. What should I do?

– Lost and Worried