He Keeps Pics Of Other Women On His Phone

Friday | July 2, 2021

Love Letters Relationships

He Keeps Pics Of Other Women On His Phone

It’s a holiday weekend, which means I want to read your letters. Send your own questions and problems to [email protected] or fill out this form.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now and we’re not the kind of couple that goes through each other’s phones. Recently I asked to borrow his phone, and he got all territorial over it. Then, when I asked him if he was hiding something, he admitted that he was saving sexy pictures of other girls from the internet. And I got really sad because I felt really insecure and I thought … am I not enough or am I not satisfying him enough or not good looking enough for him?

I told him I’ll try to understand that men are more visual people, but while also letting him know how uncomfortable I am because of this. It’s been haunting me ever since, and I’m afraid I might not get over it. It really bothers me because I don’t know if he uses them to pleasure himself or what, even though he already has me. I wanna talk to him about it even more but I don’t want to look obsessive or toxic. I really need advice.

– Pictures

If you have more questions about how he engages with those photos, ask him. It sounds like he’s open to conversation.

Maybe you’d feel a bit better if you knew how he sources these pics. Are they women on Instagram – people he actually knows or is connected to in some way? (That would be a bigger issue.) Or is this more about finding random pics of women he’ll never meet, which is sort of the equivalent of having a crush on a celebrity. That seems pretty harmless. Different than watching a romantic movie starring some actor you adore or reading a romance novel about a hero who doesn’t exist, but his relationship with these pictures could be similar. Just something pleasant to see for escape.

Just remember that it’s healthy for him to have a fantasy life. Looking at pictures doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to you. Think about other people you’ve found attractive, and remember it’s not always about him.

If you’re having trouble connecting outside of those photos – if there are also problems or gaps in your relationship when no phone is involved – talk about that. Maybe this conflict has highlighted something else.

– Meredith

Readers? Are the pics important? If so, how?

Relationships

Featured Comment

Ummm…. how do I put this delicately? Just because your bf is with you does not mean he can no longer think about other women in a sexual way. The images he’s saved on his phone are to fuel these fantasies and doesn’t mean he’s going to act on his fantasies. I don’t think they’re the threat to your relationship that you think they are.

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