It’s Like I Don’t Exist

Wednesday | February 19, 2014

Love Letters Relationships

It’s Like I Don’t Exist

Here is the signup page for the Romance Rumble screening on March 5 at Theatre 1 at the Revere Hotel. Ty Burr and I will show the big guilty-pleasure winner, “Serendipity,” and there will be treats and a bar. The event is free. Sign up fast and bring friends. And we chat today at 1.

After three marriages I finally met a man that made my world turn. His heart was the best thing about him. Forget the six-pack and the personality; he was kind and he fell in love with me. I think. After 10 years, I’m starting to doubt whether he did or not. For seven years we NEVER had one argument, then some things happened with kids and parents — no adultery — but he has changed into a completely different person.

It’s like I don’t exist anymore. This has been going on for 18 months now. This was what I had wanted and waited for all of my life and I had it for seven years, and then suddenly it’s gone. But I still love him with all my heart and I am a good wife. I do everything for him. That’s the problem — I do everything, he has gotten lazy, and I am wearing myself out. I feel that if he loved me, he wouldn’t let me do that. What have I done wrong?

– What happened?, Texas

You gloss over some important details in your letter. You say that “something happened with kids and parents — no adultery,” and while I have no idea what that means, it sounds like a very big deal.

I hate to simply throw the therapy card, but you’re in desperate need of a safe place where you can ask your husband about your marriage in front of a professional. Tell him that you need to figure out how to get happy again. If he says no, go to therapy on your own.

Something bad went down and your relationship has changed. You won’t be able to hit rewind and get back to those first seven years, but you can make some educated decisions about whether you have a future with this man. Start that process and make an appointment now. Don’t let 18 months turn into two years … or three … or five. If you can’t find a therapist, ask your doctor for help.

Readers? Can they deal with this without therapy? What happened? Is he depressed? Can she get back to those first seven years? Help.

– Meredith

Relationships