Is Our ‘Insane’ Sex Life Normal?

Friday | June 26, 2015

Love Letters Relationships

Is Our ‘Insane’ Sex Life Normal?

Long-time reader here. My fiancé and I have a very loving relationship and we basically click on every level. We are definitely best friends, enjoy the same things, and love spending our lives together.

This isn’t exactly a problem; it’s just something I’m not sure is normal or not. Our sex life is absolutely insane. We go from making love, to really dirty, to submissiveness, to sometimes really rough. We are both into it — almost nothing seems too over the top for either of us. We never feel degraded. Also, if anything hurts too much on either side, we simply say so and that’s the end of it, though this rarely happens. We are completely comfortable with each other and that’s kind of how it all started — neither of us was scared to tell the other what we were into, and we were both OK with letting each other try what we wanted. If we liked it, great. If we didn’t, OK, let’s move on to the next idea.

Is this normal between two individuals in love? Are we over the top? Things are great between us but I don’t think I would ever be able to leave her, even if things were to get bad, because I know I would never find anyone I could connect with on a sexual level like this. I just want to know if this is healthy.

– Normal?

This relationship sounds pretty healthy to me, at least based on the 300 words you shared with us in your letter. You both go out of your way to listen to each other’s needs. You share priorities and respect each other’s boundaries. You stop when it doesn’t feel good.

You say you want to know whether your interests are “normal” – but there is no normal. My former therapist used to say, “You never know what people are like after they close the bedroom door.” (He said that a lot. I don’t know why it came up so often.) I’ve found that he’s very right; some seemingly conservative couples are having all kinds of sex, and, as we’ve seen in Love Letters, some couples aren’t having sex at all.

You’ve found a partner who likes it like you do. All I can say to that is congratulations.

Readers? Anything wrong here?

– Meredith

Sex 🖤 Relationships

Featured Comment

You are making the rest of us feel bad, LW! You may have ruined a few daysu002du002dand nights with this one. At least you have given us something to aspire to.

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