Is It Bad That I Want A Provider?

Friday | May 13, 2022

Love Letters Relationships

Is It Bad That I Want A Provider?

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Hey there,

I was wondering it’s wrong for me to want a provider who loves me. Or, another way to say it, a person who loves me and also provides.

I was dating this guy for eight months who worked part-time. I broke it off because I don’t see us moving up financially together; it felt like he was more of a burden than a parter. There was also an age difference – he is 40 and I’m 47.

He was really a nice person fun to be around in so many ways, but I couldn’t fit him into my life. Some people say, “At least he had a job, nobody’s perfect.” They feel I self-sabotaged something good.

What you think?

– Nobody’s Perfect

I think what you think, which is that it’s OK to break up with someone when it’s not a match.

I like the way you put it – that you couldn’t fit this person into your life.

Everyone has different priorities and values. You want someone who offers more financial security or, at the very least, feels the same way about money. That doesn’t make you shallow or wrong. It also doesn’t mean that your ex is lazy, not good enough, or offers nothing. It’s more about the two of you not being great partners for each other.

Don’t get freaked out by the feedback from people who love you. Some of them might think that having someone is better than no one, when that’s not the case, at least for you. They’re right to say that nobody’s perfect, but you can explain that you want a different kind of imperfect person. That might help them understand that you’re not looking for some dream guy who doesn’t exist.

You tried this for eight months and made a decision. You haven’t told us you miss him. You’re not experiencing regret, just fear about what’s next. That means you had the courage to follow your instincts. Sounds good to me.

– Meredith

Readers? Any reason to doubt this decision? Now what?

Relationships

Featured Comment

From your first sentence, it seemed like you wanted someone to take care of you. But then you mention wanting to move up ‘financially together’, which is what I think most people want….a somewhat balanced relationship where each person can contribute to a household and want similar things in life. In that case, there’s nothing wrong with wanting that and most relationships probably do best when there’s a general equality.

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