I don’t see why it’s selfish to reach out to someone for friendship. It’s been decades since you spoke. You walked away for understandable reasons. You were pining for Chris and it wasn’t healthy.

I think (and hope) that people assume the best of each other. Maybe Chris will say, “Oh, wow, this friend still cares about me. That’s nice.”

It sounds like you want to avoid finding any mutual connections to help you figure out where to send your note. In that case, sure, mail it to the childhood home. You can explain in the message that you’re not sure you’re addressing it the right way and would love guidance (you could even use initials). Then your good intentions should be clear. If necessary, you can also explain why you walked away so many years ago.

If you hear nothing, you hear nothing. 

I do wish there was a way for you to get one step closer to better information. Are we sure the parent still lives in that house? Is there anyone Chris knew – even someone you didn’t know well – who’s easier to find on social media? 

Consider a more creative google search before you send a card to an old address.

I understand why this feels like a huge deal, but it doesn’t have to be. If your intentions involve reconnecting with a loved one and building community – with no major expectations – it sounds like a kind idea.

– Meredith

Readers? Leave it alone? Send a note? Is this a huge deal? Or selfish? Tips on googling former classmates?

Send your own question for the new year. What’s on your mind about money, exes, dating, love, loss, friendship, marriage, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].