Is He Not Attracted To Me?
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Q.My guy and I recently reconnected after five years of being apart. I have had a couple lovers in the meantime, but he has stated that he hasn’t been with anyone else since we broke up. We had broken up due to distance mostly, but it was also due to his noncommittal attitude and lack of attention toward me. He did not acknowledge birthdays or Christmas except via text, which is ridiculous in my opinion.
Our sexual chemistry has always been spot on however, and when we meet up to hang out we can’t keep our hands off each other.
The problem these days is completing the task, which leaves us very frustrated. I have never experienced this before with anyone else. We are both in our 50s. Is this age related or does he just not really care? He jokingly mentioned Viagra recently. Do you think that could help or is it that he may not just be physically attracted to me?
– Frustrated
A.I am not a doctor and this is not a sex column. It’s a relationship column, so I’ll focus on the big picture.
1. It seems like he’s very much attracted to you because when you’re together, you can’t keep your hands off each other. That says a lot. Please know that chemistry is chemistry, even if there are problems along the way. Or at the end.
2. Maybe the Viagra comment wasn’t a joke, but more of a light way of trouble shooting out loud. Maybe he was getting used to the idea, and saying to you – and himself – “Yeah, this has become an issue, and there are things I could do about it.” Because there are medications for this. There are doctors to see, and counselors to talk to about the brain and the body. He can have some important conversations with experts who know. Talk to your guy about taking next steps for help.
3. You made a point of telling us why you broke up the first time – that he wasn’t giving you attention, didn’t acknowledge holidays, etc. Those issues are unrelated to the sex thing, of course, but I wonder if those problems have gone away. Is he different with you five years later? Do you feel like the emotional connection is more significant? Please don’t forget to assess your happiness as you think about the other problem. It’s just as important.
– Meredith
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