Hi Meredith,

I don’t exactly know why I’m writing this to you, but I think it’s because I’ve reached a breaking point. I love my best friend. I love him much more than as a friend. We’ll call him Daniel (not his real name) for the sake of this letter.

Daniel and I go to the same university, have the same friends, and spend a lot of time together. He and I are very close and I know he cares very much for me, but I also know he doesn’t reciprocate my feelings. He hasn’t ever told me directly that he doesn’t feel for me, but it’s quite clear his feelings for me are nothing more than platonic. I’m also pretty sure he isn’t aware of my feelings for him. One day, Daniel and I went to a park and he held my hand. Naturally, I was happy about it, thinking he may like me, but after some investigation by a friend, it turns out he thought that was “just a thing friends do.” He was obviously oblivious then and still is.

Being his friend is hard enough without my feelings all wrapped up in it — he is very much a private person, a loner, and someone who has a lot of walls within himself. He’s told me that I am his closest friend, yet he doesn’t treat me like it. He treats others much better than he treats me, mainly in terms of affection and in the sharing of personal things about himself. Add to that my harboring of romantic feelings toward him and I’ve got myself quite a messy heart to deal with. I’ve been trying to pull myself back a bit, but that’s very much against my nature — when I’m friends with someone I want to be close to them.

I’ve felt this for him for almost two years now and it is too much for me to handle. At this point, I’m tired of being treated poorly and I am SO over my hurt, confused feelings. I legitimately love being his friend, and I’m completely OK with just being that. I just do not want to feel like this about him anymore — especially because it isn’t reciprocated.

– Lovestruck