I'm paying almost a dollar per message

Monday | June 17, 2024

Love Letters Relationships

I’m paying almost a dollar per message

I’ve been texting with a woman (all I have are pictures from the site, [site name here]) for nine months. She refuses to meet, saying it’s the wrong time in her life, but keeps saying how nice it would be to meet me. I mean, she won’t even meet for coffee.

I am paying nearly $1 per message to converse with this woman. Is this a scam in your opinion or what? I’ve tried leaving her but gone back twice, once after a whole month. I keep feeling like I’m going to miss out on something. I’m afraid to admit to my therapist that I’ve gone back to her. She hasn’t asked for money.

– Waiting

After reading your letter, I spent some time on that website.

(Readers, I’m not mentioning the name of the site because I don’t want anyone to visit for context and get overwhelmed – especially during a work day.)

From what I can tell, this site is designed for members to watch, pay for access, and yes, communicate.

The “about us” section of the website quotes Proust: “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”

The thing is, everything I saw on this site was transactional. A dollar for another minute. More money for more access. The site says it’s about making friends, but really, it’s a service. A place for fantasies.

In your case, letter writer, this woman does not want to meet up. I do think she’d like to continue the relationship you have.

You don’t really know her. She’s an online ideal, and she’s told you she can’t have coffee.

Tell your therapist you went back to the site, and get some guidance. Find out if there’s a way to use any of these sites/apps for fantasies, not to combat loneliness.

Regular dating apps are where people show up to try for coffee. It might look less interesting there, but for the most part, it’s real.

I think Proust also said, “When one begins to love, one spends one’s time, not in getting to know what one’s love really is, but in arranging for tomorrow’s rendezvous.”

You want someone to arrange for a rendezvous. You’re not getting it with this relationship.

– Meredith

Readers? Are sites like this a scam or exactly what they’re supposed to be? How do you interpret the promise of maybe meeting someday? Advice to reframe the interaction?

Send your own question about relationships (dating, divorce, breakups, singleness, and friendships) to the anonymous form or email [email protected].

It helps others who are worried they’re alone with a similar problem.

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Featured Comment

“LW, this is a scam and these women will not be meeting you. Talk to your therapist about this one. Try getting out and meeting people in real life situations. You are afraid of missing out on something, yes, a real relationship with an actual person. There are so many different ways to meet people discussed here in the past…. Live your best life, not behind a keyboard!”

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